Over the last twenty years I have
changed in so many ways because of my gambling
addiction. I use to socialize a lot more with
family and friends. I use to make excuses like
I didn't feel well , so my family would go with out
me. I told my husband to call me on the cell
phone if he needed me. The minute they left I
was off to the Casino. I felt so quit and
wanted to punish myself more. I really did not
want to hurt myself or my family but I did time and
time again. I remember I had five hundred
dollars in the bank and I had already received a
termination notice from the electricity company.
I had two more days to pay the bill or I would lose
my service. I took the five hundred dollars to
the Casino. Lost it in an hour and then left
totally disgusted. How could I do this.
I took a gold ring and pawned it.
I paid the electricity bill. Pawing was easy
no one knew. I pawned another ring and lost
that money too.
I was so self destructive. I had a
wonderful family who loved me. Why wasn't that
enough to stop me from gambling? I knew I had
a problem, but I could not face it nor did I want
to.
After losing more and more money, I wanted to end
my life. I hated myself and I was ashamed.
I told one of my friends what was happening.
She didn't know what to say. We talked for
hours. She realized I had been lying to her.
She thought I was having an affair since I was never
home anymore. She's my best friend and I lied
to her, borrowed money from and pushed her out of my
life because of my gambling addiction.
My daughter wanted to join a special Cheerleader
program that allows them to compete nationally if
they win the local competitions. It was only
four hundred dollars. I told her we didn't
have the money. I didn't tell her I just lost
five hundred dollars gambling. I was so
ashamed embarrassed and mortified.
The self destructive behaviour continued
