I went inside and walked up to a machine and
inserted a twenty dollar bill. Fifteen minutes later
I hit a royal flush paying $500. Once I would have
gotten really excited about winning, but today I
felt frustrated. For the next few hours I lost it
all in the same machine. It was as if I was
determined to leave with nothing, although I needed
the money. I had spent all the money intended for
paying bills and now I would have to explain why
they were not paid. The cycle never ended, it only
continued to get worse each time I gambled.
When I had lost all the money I had with me, I went
to the ATM and withdrew another $200. I thought I
would recover the money I had lost. After two trips
to the ATM, I finally got down to my last twenty
dollars and was betting one credit at a time. I felt
disgusted at the situation. I wanted to crawl in a
hole and die. I wanted to scream until I used up my
last breath. I felt everything was finally ending.
When my last credit was gone I walked to my car. I
was scared and felt lost.
Driving home, I felt defeated. The previous night I
had promised myself, like thousands of nights
before, that I would never gamble again. Yet I was
powerless to stop this crazy thing that had a hold
on me. I had lost thousands of dollars, my will to
live, and God. For the first time in ten years I was
giving up. Thoughts of wanting to go to sleep and
not wake up consumed me. I thought about my two
sons, Benjamin, 12, and Kevin, 4, and how I had
failed them as a mother. I could hear my own voice
in my head, screaming.
When I reached into my purse to get my cell phone I
pulled out an old lottery ticket with it. On the
back was a number to call if you thought you might
have a gambling problem. The insanity that had
infected my mind made one last attempt at telling me
I did not have a problem, but I somehow managed to
call the Gamblers Anonymous hotline.
Rhea's Compulsive Gambling Addiction Continues
1
2
3
4
5
6
